I accidentally had phone sex last night
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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