I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
