At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
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