So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
