no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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