I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
