I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
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He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
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I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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