dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
