i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
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I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
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She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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