where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
