i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
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He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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