well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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