Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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