FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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