I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Pants are for mortals
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
