I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
