WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
