so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
