How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
