I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
