I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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