i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize