you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
