Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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