Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
