I wanna bring you to show and tell
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
