I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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