I wish my penis had an off switch
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Randomize
