..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
