so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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