I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
