so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize