oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
