I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
