drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
