Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
