just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
