the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
