census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
