Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
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I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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