There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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