I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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