Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I need to sanitize my soul.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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