They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
