Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I have feelings that need drinking.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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