there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
