When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
No more Irish car bombs ever.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
