GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
