you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
