you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
