Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
