I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize