I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
